It’s just not worth the money

As a prospective student you are dragged around the clinical looking building, also known as Vine Court, in which the builders have installed ten lights when two would do the job.

To make matters worse the person showing you around is overly enthusiastic, screeching about how it was “the first on site accommodation for the University” and how it has “all the modern fixtures a student could want” – heated towel rails for instance, and don’t forget how green it is using solar panels and everything…

But it is all rubbish.

Vine Court opened in 2012

Vine Court opened in 2012

The fakers

The fakers

The solar panels don’t even work anymore. A warden at Vine Court told The Tab: “They used to work, but now they are more for decoration than anything.”

So long to being environmentally friendly Vine Court. Let’s face it, it probably wastes more energy with those light fixtures pouring out of every wall, floor and ceiling.

But it isn’t just the lights that make the place look ridiculous, the walls have all had so many patch up paint jobs they are literally fifty shades of grey.

Even more shit is the actual bird poo on the windows, that feels like it’s been there since forever. You would think with how much they charge for rent, they could afford to spend a little money on a window cleaner.

Vince Court is literally shit

Vince Court is literally shit

And considering prices start at £137.90 a week for a self-catered room, the halls don’t even have enough washing machines for everyone. There’s one room with 10 washers and dryers for 750 bedrooms. So if you want a chance of clean undies for the week, you’ll probably have to be there at three in the morning.

The rooms aren’t huge for the price, but I guess they think they make up for it with their heated towel rails. Instead of giving us what we really need, like more washing machines, we get nice, warm towels.

what a joke

What a joke

A student essential

A student essential

Don't forget to heat your towel rail up or you might fail your degree

Don’t forget to heat your towel rail up or you might fail your degree

I don’t know how those poor people at Carnatic survive without their heated towel rails, I am sure they will all get 2:2s because of it.

And while we’re moaning about how poor value for money Vine Court is, they actually have an agreement with the Guild that means they can increase the price of a room by about five per cent each year.

This is pretty outrageous when you can get luxury accommodation in Liverpool city centre for cheaper.

And just to top it all off, the air conditioning offered as part of your hefty bill is only adjustable by two degrees. You can go from 23° to 25° and that’s it. So much for coming back to a nice cool room after a gym session, get used to being a sweaty pig Vine Court dwellers.